I haven’t a hope in hell of adding anything constructive to Debs’s brilliant review of Caerleon so I thought I’d share ten of my little observations about writers – mostly gleaned during my week in Wales.
1. All writers are extremely clumsy and drop/spill/throw/trip over/bump into things everywhere, all the time.
2. Writers do not appear to know left from right and have absolutely no sense of direction, wandering aimlessly through wrong corridors and getting distracted by other writers at every turn or in every doorway
3. Writers’ bags are all very heavy – without exception
4. Getting food into a writer’s mouth without spillage is nigh-on impossible (gravy on white skirt, beetroot on yellow top, lasagne on sleeve, superglue-like substance in hair, something white and slimy on sandal and something sticky in handbag – and that was just the first day)
5. Packing a case with suitable clothes is a definite no-no for a writer. A gloomy weather forecast, torrential rain and chilly temperatures ought to, by rights, equal more than one long-sleeved top and something more substantial than open sandals. I felt quite uplifted when I discovered there were at least a dozen other writers in the same predicament!
6. Writers don’t always carry pens. I couldn’t quite believe this until I was asked by someone if they could borrow my pen – and guess what – I didn’t have one!
7. Writers tell fascinating stories and then forget (a) what time of day it is, (b) what course they are supposed to be on, and (c) what their husband’s name is
8. Writing is classless, ageless and some writers are very witty and funny indeed (I’m not one of them)
9. Published, successful writers make it all seem so easy – and it’s really not!
10. Writers take their shoes off under tables.
11. Writers are all very nice people and make friends easily
12. Writers, without exception, display varying degrees of contempt for numbers and can’t count to save their lives. (Oh dear, I have twelve points – well, never mind – it’s near enough).