Monday, 1st October
Keyword for the day: Diet Denial Diet
- I eat too much of the wrong stuff
- I have zero will-power
- I don’t really care what I look like
- I don’t like being hungry because having low blood sugar makes me feel ill
- I can’t give up alcohol
The minute I put myself on a diet my contrary alter-ego rubs her hands in delight. You see if someone (even myself) tells me to do something, there is something in my brain that makes me do just the opposite. I have always been the same. ‘Take your umbrella – it looks like it might rain,’ to me means, ‘don’t take the umbrella, it might not rain.’
So, following the usual rules of a diet: Eat this: Don’t eat that: Walk for half an hour a day just doesn’t push any of my buttons, I’m afraid.
I have toyed with the idea of the non-diet diet for a while. My idea goes like this.
The Diet is absolutely NOT a Diet. You can eat what you want, when you want to eat it – in the middle of the night if you like: as much chocolate as you fancy; packet upon packet of biscuits; ice-cream by the Ben and Jerry Cookie Dough tubful. There are no rules. No forfeits or sins, no points to count, no super-speed foods or speed foods. My non-diet consists only of a success list, kept daily, comprising of all the things you didn’t eat when you could easily have done so, had you wanted to. So – for today, the first day of my Denial Diet – my success list is as follows. I have indicated in green the food I ate instead, or the things I did to take my mind off food.
2 slices of toast with thick butter (1 apple, 1 orange, 1 banana)
1 slice of chocolate cake* (cup of coffee with half a spoon of sugar instead of a quarter of a spoon)
1 slice of something that looked delicious, topped with thick chocolate coating* (a couple of paracetemol)
1 slice of toffee apple cake* (an overdose of Prozac)
1 packet of salt and vinegar crisps (a low fat yoghurt)
1 Cheese and Ham sandwich (vegetable soup)
1 Yorkshire Pudding (a tablespoonful of sweetcorn)
1 Roast Potato (I usually have four, I only had three)
* These cakes were baked by the lovely Rachel as this week we have two birthdays at work – one of them a ‘special’ one. Three cakes In one day was a very good start for my first day of not being on a diet. It gave me plenty of opportunity to do really well.
By the way, the reason I can’t give up alcohol is that I don’t drink, as a ‘rule’.
Oh no! Those blasted rules, I need to steer clear of them or else I will end up drunk in the gutter. Anyway the plan is that by not dieting, I aim to lose two stone by my book launch on 23rd November.
I won’t be charting progress, because in my Diet Denial Diet, there are no scary weighing rituals involved either.