Monday, 1st October

Monday, 1st October

Keyword for the day: Diet Denial Diet

I need to lose weight – a serious amount of weight.  I know it can be done, because I have done it before. The reasons I am a big failure at diets are as follows:-

  • I eat too much of the wrong stuff
  • I have zero will-power
  • I don’t really care what I look like
  • I don’t like being hungry because having low blood sugar makes me feel ill
  • I can’t give up alcohol

The minute I put myself on a diet my contrary alter-ego rubs her hands in delight. You see if someone (even myself) tells me to do something, there is something in my brain that makes me do just the opposite.  I have always been the same. ‘Take your umbrella – it looks like it might rain,’ to me means, ‘don’t take the umbrella, it might not rain.’

So, following the usual rules of a diet: Eat this: Don’t eat that: Walk for half an hour a day just doesn’t push any of my buttons, I’m afraid.

I have toyed with the idea of the non-diet diet for a while. My idea goes like this.

The Diet is absolutely NOT a Diet. You can eat what you want, when you want to eat it – in the middle of the night if you like: as much chocolate as you fancy; packet upon packet of biscuits; ice-cream by the Ben and Jerry Cookie Dough tubful. There are no rules. No forfeits or sins, no points to count, no super-speed foods or speed foods. My non-diet consists only of a success list, kept daily, comprising of all the things you didn’t eat when you could easily have done so, had you wanted to.  So – for today, the first day of my Denial Diet – my success list is as follows. I have indicated in green the food I ate instead, or the things I did to take my mind off food.

2 slices of toast with thick butter (1 apple, 1 orange, 1 banana)

1 slice of chocolate cake* (cup of coffee with half a spoon of sugar instead of a quarter of a spoon)

1 slice of something that looked delicious, topped with thick chocolate coating* (a couple of paracetemol)

1 slice of toffee apple cake* (an overdose of Prozac)

1 packet of salt and vinegar crisps (a low fat yoghurt)

1 Cheese and Ham sandwich (vegetable soup)

1 Yorkshire Pudding (a tablespoonful of sweetcorn)

1 Roast Potato (I usually have four, I only had three)

* These cakes were baked by the lovely Rachel as this week we have two birthdays at work – one of them a ‘special’ one.  Three cakes In one day was a very good start for my first day of not being on a diet. It gave me plenty of opportunity to do really well.

By the way, the reason I can’t give up alcohol is that I don’t drink, as a ‘rule’.

Oh no! Those blasted rules, I need to steer clear of them or else I will end up drunk in the gutter.  Anyway the plan is that by not dieting, I aim to lose two stone by my book launch on 23rd November.

I won’t be charting progress, because in my Diet Denial Diet, there are no scary weighing rituals involved either.

4 thoughts on “Monday, 1st October

  1. So funny Anne made me smile. I’ve never dieted but lately I think I need to take control of myself and move more….good luck with your ‘no diet, diet’. I expect to see you as a shadow of your former self soon! Love your professional looking page too.

  2. Thank you Jane. I definitely need to move more, too, but it’s not good being hunched up over a desk most of the day and they slouched in an armchair, laptop on my knees, in the evenings!

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