Wednesday, 10th October
Keywords for the Day: Hector and Norman
She doesn’t know what she’s done, giving us freedom of the keyboard today. It’s our birthday and I am going to make the most of it. I suppose you already know my mummy. Her name is Annie and she is, quite frankly, a bit weird. She sits playing with little black things with her fingers and moans at me when I jump on the arm of the chair and my big bum slides over them. It’s called typing, apparently. I can’t see the point of it.
She ought to stop it and take me to Twywell Hills and Dales. After all, it’s not every spaniel who is two years old today!
She calls me ‘Lardarse’ when I sit on her keyboard, ‘A Pain in the Arse’ when I jump on her head in bed, and ‘Hectorbaby’ when I am being a good boy, which is quite often. I am a little bit shy of people, but once I get to know someone they are my friend for life. I am a very fussy little boy – I love to lie on my back and have my tummy stroked. I also like it when the little people come round. I love to play with them and everyone says ‘What a good boy Hector is, he is so good with the children’. I fluff out my shirt and shake my trousers and feel so proud. I also like laughing, just as in the photo, especially when my brother, Norman, gets told off, which is nearly all the time.
Did I just hear my name mentioned? Oh, it was Lardarse. Typical. He can do no wrong and I can do nothing right. Hector is stupid. He can’t open doors and he can’t find a pebble my dad has thrown into the gravel path outside the back door. He doesn’t know what time it is and he doesn’t know half as many words as I do. My dad says Hector will ‘never make a gundog’, not like me. My dad says I am the best gundog he’s ever had. I am going shooting next week. Hector can’t come because he is ‘away with the fairies’. I can find anything – they can’t hide things from me. I only have to sniff something once and it doesn’t matter where they hide it, if they say ‘go fetch’, I won’t rest until I’ve found it. Hours and hours I’ll look for something once they have said the magic ‘go fetch’ words. I love to play with things and if I haven’t got a toy to play with, I’ll find myself one. I have invented the Stone Game, the Empty Yoghurt Pot Game, the Bit of Paper Game and the Sock Game. Hang on … gotta go, someone just mentioned it was my birthday. Now, what’s all that about?
Note from Annie: Beautiful puppies, they have grown into gorgeous big boys now they are two years old. Norman was named after Norman Wisdom, who died as the puppies were born. If ever a dog had taken on the personality of a character, our Norman is just like his namesake. Hector is my dog and he is gentle, very loving and the calmer of the two spaniels. He loves to sit by your feet, periodically gazing up lovingly, and if you call him ‘Hectorbaby’ he jumps up on your lap, tail wagging furiously, and licks you all over with happiness.